I decided we should care for my elderly father-in-law in our home. He was extremely ill and in a vile nursing home. We were told he would probably live only two weeks. His spouse was also elderly and could not care for him. They divorced. There were several issues at stake that had to be worked out and finally everything was settled. He lived close to four years with us to the total astonishment of his medical team. We were surprised as well. No good deed, etc. This experience was years ago now, and I can look back on it with a certain humor. At the time, banging my head on the wall seemed a good option at times. However, I realized that doing that could seriously injure me so I just developed high blood pressure.
Isn't it a wonderful thing to have close friends who know how to peel you off the ceiling when you've been plastered up there for a couple of days? Smart move to return to the City. Your situation is certainly unique but, I fear, probably being played out in courtrooms all across the land as more and more people fade into the mists and fogs of Alzheimer's Disease. There was a time when divorces were not granted if one party had any kind of mental illness.
I am a late arrival to TBR and so just started enjoying your fine comments. Then found my way into your Substack. I doubt there is anyone above the age of 60 who doesn't know someone whose mind is disappearing into a place he/she cannot follow. It is painful to be unable to reach out and pull them back. In your situation, your wife's niece has built a keep around your wife, a deep moat and pulled up the drawbridge. How extremely sad. Does the GAL prevent the divorce decree from being finalized?
The GAL doesn't prevent the divorce so much as he's responsible for getting her finances straightened out so the divorce is fair to both of us.
If we still lived in an apartment in New York City, didn't have a car, and didn't have business assets from when we were married, it would be easier—and apparently trusting her niece to handle the bookkeeping and accounting may not have been the smartest idea. I went back upstate this week for a "required court appearance", and among other things found this out, along with her lawyer and GAL trying to get my ex's conservatorship into the hands of her maternal half-sister...who I sure don't envy.
There are messes, then there are hot messes. This falls into the latter category I believe. So the niece will be out of the picture and no longer be swinging the purse by its strings? It's understandable that your wife's interests must be protected because of her illness. But these kinds of things create delay after delay. How do you remain calm? Please provide updates. By the way, went through a similar situation some time ago. It was a maddening six months or so.
Who says I remain calm? I'm sure my neighbors wonder why I'm always yelling and cursing at odd hours! You on here get to see me AFTER I've pitched a fit....
I also have two close friends who have been here for me through all this (I moved back down to the NYC area to be closer to them), and my emotional support Meatloaf who give me a reason to carry on:
I'm sorry to hear you recently underwent a messy, and ugly, divorce? Inheritance battle? It's really stressful and seems to never end, even when it does.... 😢
I think for me at least, the worst part is she's still around—but not. I remember my former wife as one of the smartest, and most driven people I knew—and while it was often vexing it was also inspirational, pushing me to do better as well. She did that to people around her, making them want to do better because she showed it was possible. It's one reason her niece started coming to stay with us, because she did the same for her....
To see her now, mostly in a courtroom or outside it, wearing business clothes that hang loosely on her because she's lost so much weight, either studiously ignoring me or looking at me vaguely puzzled as her niece plays guard dog, is disheartening.
Sorry for your loss. You obviously still care for her.
I do still care for her, even though I don't think I love her any more, and I know she doesn't love me any more because she made that very clear.
Wow, thank you so much for this.
You're welcome, and thank you right back.
I will not dishonor this most poignant essay by sullying its essence with my strong disagreement with you on Mr. Biden; that is to be tabled.
You are a special character.
You disagree with me? Rohn, *I* disagree with me half the time on Mr. Biden!
Thank you.
I decided we should care for my elderly father-in-law in our home. He was extremely ill and in a vile nursing home. We were told he would probably live only two weeks. His spouse was also elderly and could not care for him. They divorced. There were several issues at stake that had to be worked out and finally everything was settled. He lived close to four years with us to the total astonishment of his medical team. We were surprised as well. No good deed, etc. This experience was years ago now, and I can look back on it with a certain humor. At the time, banging my head on the wall seemed a good option at times. However, I realized that doing that could seriously injure me so I just developed high blood pressure.
Isn't it a wonderful thing to have close friends who know how to peel you off the ceiling when you've been plastered up there for a couple of days? Smart move to return to the City. Your situation is certainly unique but, I fear, probably being played out in courtrooms all across the land as more and more people fade into the mists and fogs of Alzheimer's Disease. There was a time when divorces were not granted if one party had any kind of mental illness.
I am a late arrival to TBR and so just started enjoying your fine comments. Then found my way into your Substack. I doubt there is anyone above the age of 60 who doesn't know someone whose mind is disappearing into a place he/she cannot follow. It is painful to be unable to reach out and pull them back. In your situation, your wife's niece has built a keep around your wife, a deep moat and pulled up the drawbridge. How extremely sad. Does the GAL prevent the divorce decree from being finalized?
The GAL doesn't prevent the divorce so much as he's responsible for getting her finances straightened out so the divorce is fair to both of us.
If we still lived in an apartment in New York City, didn't have a car, and didn't have business assets from when we were married, it would be easier—and apparently trusting her niece to handle the bookkeeping and accounting may not have been the smartest idea. I went back upstate this week for a "required court appearance", and among other things found this out, along with her lawyer and GAL trying to get my ex's conservatorship into the hands of her maternal half-sister...who I sure don't envy.
In other words, it's a mess.
There are messes, then there are hot messes. This falls into the latter category I believe. So the niece will be out of the picture and no longer be swinging the purse by its strings? It's understandable that your wife's interests must be protected because of her illness. But these kinds of things create delay after delay. How do you remain calm? Please provide updates. By the way, went through a similar situation some time ago. It was a maddening six months or so.
:: How do you remain calm?::
Who says I remain calm? I'm sure my neighbors wonder why I'm always yelling and cursing at odd hours! You on here get to see me AFTER I've pitched a fit....
I also have two close friends who have been here for me through all this (I moved back down to the NYC area to be closer to them), and my emotional support Meatloaf who give me a reason to carry on:
https://drdarkeny.substack.com/p/this-is-the-meatloaf
I'm sorry to hear you recently underwent a messy, and ugly, divorce? Inheritance battle? It's really stressful and seems to never end, even when it does.... 😢
So sorry for your loss. So cruel...
I think for me at least, the worst part is she's still around—but not. I remember my former wife as one of the smartest, and most driven people I knew—and while it was often vexing it was also inspirational, pushing me to do better as well. She did that to people around her, making them want to do better because she showed it was possible. It's one reason her niece started coming to stay with us, because she did the same for her....
To see her now, mostly in a courtroom or outside it, wearing business clothes that hang loosely on her because she's lost so much weight, either studiously ignoring me or looking at me vaguely puzzled as her niece plays guard dog, is disheartening.